I like to think I am strong. I like to think I am wise beyond my years. I like to think I am powerful and fearless. I like to think I take advantage of all the good opportunities that fall into my lap. I have recently come to the full realization that I lie to myself and in lying to myself I have for years covered dirt over my limiting beliefs and insecurities. Over the years, I have piled so much shit on top of my limiting beliefs and insecurities that I really thought they didn’t exist. However, now the shit smell is too much to bear. Its like rotting dead flesh!! I can’t ignore it anymore no matter how hard I try.
Lately..I have been in a really introspective type of mood. That could be a combination of Yoga, meditation, Chakra cleansing, and all the things that I have been investing in lately to grow, to fully heal from all of my past hurts, and to fully develop my mind power. Yes, mind power. It sounds kind of hokey hippie new age like..but I understand now how powerful our minds are. I have been meeting people lately, listening to the Silva system and other lectures through mind valley and just having amazing life altering experiences that are proving to me that if I can just heal from all past hurts, if I can control my thoughts, if I can control my emotions..if I can destroy my limiting beliefs and insecurities, then anything and I absolutely mean ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!
I don’t want my insecurities and limiting beliefs to stop me from living to my highest potential so I am jumping off of cliffs in my mind first to allow me to jump off of them easily in my life. This is not always easy because it is forcing me to bring things to the surface that I would rather not. Its forcing me into the dark, dank crevices in my mind and soul with a flashlight to bring all of my insecurities and limiting beliefs into the light..the light of consciousness..the light of healing..and the light of growth..I am learning now more than ever, that my mind has so much power over my life. Yes, God has ultimate control..but he gave me this mind to accomplish great things in this life. He created me for great things, to serve in great ways. How can I serve in great ways if I am scared to jump, to be terrified, to open my mouth, to try seemingly impossible things, to question, to break down barriers, to break apart limiting beliefs with a sledgehammer, to imagine all of the beauty waiting on the opposite side of my door of fear..
This transformation that I am going through now is so friggin scary..like bone chiling scary!!!! I feel like my heart is almost going to stop sometimes while I am meditating or deep in thought and I hear or feel these crazy negative, defeatist, limiting beliefs coming to the surface. I immediately think..who is this woman! I don’t know her. She frightens me..but I am realizing now that she has always been with me. She is like the child inside of me. The child who was maybe taught that great things don’t happen to children like her…or children like her shouldn’t climb outside the imaginary box of limitations.
I thought I helped her to fully grow and to develop into the woman I see standing in the mirror everyday..I think this woman is beautiful, smart, empowered, all put together ..but since I am have been meditating, when I look in the mirror, I see that child. I don’t want to see her everyday..she’s killing my vibe, my lies, my pretend.
I have realized that she is still there living inside. She has always been there. She is kicking the dirt off and she won’t let me hide her anymore. These self-introspective practices that I have been doing as of late are bringing her to the surface so that I can really help her heal and grow and move forward. I have to do this because I can’t let her insecurities and limiting beliefs stop my progress..I am destined for great things. She is not happy living inside anymore and she wants to be free too.
I am getting there..One Day at a time…
My husband took a photo of me meditating the other day. He was asking me a question and I was so deep inside that I didn’t hear a word he said.